Men Curling In Ontario

Curlers in Ontario, Circa 1909

Because most of us “non-olympians” are slow like the sloths and are frightened by the fast monsters on sleds and beasts on super rocket skis, we like curling. The beasts and monsters may be handsome and all, but too toothy, and in this “fight or flight” universe we would rather not be accosted by anything that can throw another human being twenty feet up in the air. Curling though, feels like something we played in an icy parking lot, but with large pieces of ice scraped flat against the rough surface of a wall. The target could be anything, but how exciting to release and watch the slow ark of your projectile coming close to sweet spot.

Curling as a sport is calm, skillful and intelligent. From a profile of the sport in the New York Times: “Curling is often called chess on ice,” said Chris Moore, 50, a banker in Cleveland.” There you go, a banker! The same article also mentions a publishing executive and a financial adviser who curl. A trend! Cavemen who played their lugubrious version of curling later invented wheels and paragliding. The other cavemen, those who would drop from the precipice of a mountain and fly 300 feet without a parachute, are those who became injured and had to be carried on carts invented by the curling cavemen.

There’s also a David vs. Goliath aspect to the veneration for curling: if you think you can scare me by sledding down at a 100 miles per hour, you have another thing coming to you, a large curling stone thing. –Zabatay

  1. Gibberish. Go back to your cave.